Hers birthday

Last time, October will be a very significant and happy month for me. All the people I consider important to me are celebrate their birthday in that particular month. Usually I will spent two weeks searching present here and there to make them happy and my present will always be the best for them. I used to think myself very lucky to have them in my life. I used to think I will remain the good relationship with them whole my life. But yet, I realize, nothing remain the same forever, including friendship. The first one , she is my good friend, we knew each other since very small, we used to go practice together, hang out together and planning to skip training together. Our friendship was so pure and we never give and set our friendship in any particular group like “good friend”, “best friend” , “ordinary friend” stuff like that, we just friend. And where ever we met, we will walk together and stick together until one of us off. The friendship was without any pressure, and I feel calm to have a friend like that. She is the one who made me has the culture of : <>. I still remember she used to bring along birthday cake driving hers motorbike in the rainy night coming to my home celebrate my birthday with me and my family. Although the party was quite simple, but it mean a lot to me. The friendship changes a bit after she went to KL to study. We didn’t SMS each other, we didn’t talk to each other and we didn’t hang out together anymore. I kind of forget the feeling because I never thought of it and realize it. Maybe I should say... The friendship will still the same even we don’t contact each other, because we never treat each other like very special best friend. After all, when meet up, we will just talk and if got nothing to talk, is ok, no big deal!! We won’t feel sad, we will just wonder why. And now, we don’t celebrate birthday together anymore. I will just sent a SMS to her wishing her and she usually never reply...hah, such a naughty gal The second birthday gal, we met when we were in form six, our friendship started at my birthday, she phone me wished me happy birthday and we continued our conversation from daily life to religion belief , I can’t remember how long we actually talking on the phone at that night, but for sure, it was more that three hours. Just imagine, two people from different culture and background talking on phone for the first time and it took so long for them actually to stop talking. What should I call it? Fate? Or we just meant to be friend. Blah blah blah, we started to become good friend then later became best friend; she was my very first best friend who I really care of. We went through a lot of adventure. We climbed the small mountain together, we went fishing together, we went Malay kampong together, and we even went to kubur together (not the sense of die together, don’t misunderstand). She was the one who guided me to drive calmly and steadily, and I was the one who made her realize the fun of driving motor. She was the one who made me get used with English, and I was the one who teach her to speak and write in mandarin. She was my teacher for mm, chemistry, biology, and PA. She was the one who always beside me when I was down and unhappy. She is the one who gave me free medicine when I was sick. She was the one I used to hang out together till late of the night. And the most important, she was the one who made me felt so lucky to have such a great friend in my life. But yet, those all were not real. When came to the end, we were not friend anymore, our friendship came to the end. I wonder did she ever appreciate me? I guess she was, but not long. She used to tell me I was hers very close friend who can share everything together, and gave me all the promise that our friendship will never change even we went to different places. See what happen, the promise all became rubbish. I just can’t accept the point she gave me that I made hers life miserable, excuse me, is who made whose life miserable? Why she need to limit hers life with so called principal? And I can proudly tell you that, I never betray the friendship and I will always remember that she was the one who end up all the way for us to become friend again. I tried to behave gentle to her and she just can’t imagine how the thing she said to me leaves great sad impact in my life. I know perhaps me not the only one who suffer or sad but at least I let the world know how much I appreciate the friendship. I tell you, it was very stupid to let our own mindset change the friendship. Different pple, different view, if that was the decision, then I respect. Just asking urself, have I ever betrayed you? Have I ever point finger on you? Have I ever not at your side when came to any conflict? But u has to understand, something I just can’t accept. U has to respect me then. Our friendship have too much conflict , we both hurt each other by our own behavior, I assumed that we knew the fact, but something happen is happen, we will never become friend anymore, when I see her, I will have nothing at first, then the unhappy scene will later appear, look like the friendship have no back turn for us. Maybe one day I will forgive her and forget all the past, I just let the time cure .After all, is you change my point of view toward friendship. I pray so much, one day u will totally disappear from my memory. The third birthday person, she is everything for me. She is my idol, my maid, my lecturer and everything u name it. Let see... Have I ever celebrated birthday with her? Flash back…. Ohya, got! Started last few years, u see, is not me don’t want to celebrate birthday with her, but sometime…. Don’t want to give myself excuse. Ok... I was wrong. And this won’t happen anymore. As long as I have chance, I will gap all the opportunity to be with her. What were the present I ever gave to her? Hmm... For sure... Nothing except a birthday cake that myself also want to eat. I choose the flavor I like instead of choosing the one she likes. I am so bad. But every year in this particular day, I will tell her how much I love her and thank her for everything; I won’t feel shame or tongue tide when saying this kind of words to her... I feel proud and I know deep in her heart, she was happy to hear that. I just know that... hah... She mean so much to me, I should write a specific article bout her. I want to tell the world that, I love you so much and my life will really miserable without you. Hey, u guys don’t think I am a lesbian, she is my mum lah, and I am 100% normal. I can prove it. Hah. If one day I act badly to my mum, u guys can just screw me and hit me and slap me and kick me and whatever.. I should not do that to my mum... I love her. Love her so much. How many pages already I wrote? Eh... too long, actually got another one I want to write... I feel sorry toward her/he, I don’t know which of them birthday, but for sure is one of them, I assumed is her... so. I never celebrate birthday with her, if got, was also the time when she bought hers own cake back and asked we all to gather to sing for her. Why so sad one? Aiseh.if she did not, then I will just forget the day, u see, until now I don’t know what day is actually hers birthday, I only know the month. But she mean a lot to me also, she was the one who bought very nice, delicious, expensive cake for me every year, she is the one who take me to restaurant eat all the nicest food, and she is the one who always talk non stop this few years, who is she? She is my eldest sister lah, who else? She live at penang, but I never go visit her in this three years, the excuse I gave to myself is I have no transport mah. So she is the one who suppose to visit me. Hey, me very terrible lah, I should know when is hers birthday and give her a surprise, don’t u think so? I still remember that got one day, I phone her to just have a chat with her, but she assumed me got thing want to buy or want her do something for me. When I told her I just want to sembang with her, she was so surprise and told me that this was the first time me actually call her to talk to her. I am that bad one meh? I can’t recall also, I thought me is very nice person. But whatever lah, she should understand lah, we student very busy. I will still remember our future plan, I will try my very best to realize them k? Ok, time to stop, if not later Anna will screw me for writing nonsense things here, this page got its own objective and function, I know I know, but I also got lesson to teach from this article: 1. appreciate your family more than your friends, ( don’t repeat my mistake ) 2. remember all your family members birthday ,set a reminder in ur phone 3. friendship..hmm never put too much hope on it, it will eventually change 4. now I agreed with acad k member zi wei, he told me that comrade in faith will remain the friendship with you and better than other friend. ( anna lah) 5. It is the time for you to call back all your old friends to let them know u still alive. 6. Sensei once said that, the precious thing for youth is pure friendship, hopefully we all will be somebody to our friend and we are the one who should have good connection with people. 7. I realize that I should do my human revolution. Lady and gentleman do guide me.


while searching information for my report, I manage to join few forum discussion host by different pple in various countries. It was so great. Forum discussion really can enhance our knowlegde and open our mind toward the world. Different pple, different character, different opinion combined together to share one single topic. Don't u think it is just too great? It give me an idea.. Why don't we add a forum here, so that we can have a open discussion? But yet, I realize that we have no reader , how to have a forum then? hah. after all, it was still a great idea.. Or for me lah, syiok sendiri! hmm....


凌晨四点了, 时间果然过的十分快。 独自对着电脑, 感觉无比的寂寞。 不过, 虽是一个人, 却很享受它的平静, 感觉非常的舒服。 啊! 还有非常多的事情, 等着,等着。 何时才能把它做完呢? 唯有继续,不断的 前进又前进, 持着坚强的一念- “我一定能!” 一步一步的向前冲! 相信一定能冲向 胜利的冲线! 冲吧!


夫云信心, 非为别事。 在信心世界里, 非以题目与御本尊为根本不可。 脚踏实地的, 向前冲! 一步,一步的, 以勇气,智慧, 将一切的难题, 一个接一个, 跨越过来, 赢取最大的胜利! 绝对的胜利!

someone out there

人总是觉得自己所拥有的,不是最好! 但每当人失去了自己所拥有的,往往又会后悔莫及… 人,很多时侯会忽视了自己身边一些最重要的事物; 忽视了自己拥要的一切. 而,在众多的事物之中;人最容易忽视的是,自己的亲人与一些真正爱惜自己的人. 也许,我们认为亲人是永远不会离弃我们的. 朋友,我们可以迭择;但亲人是没有得迭择的. 也因为如此,很多时侯我们会珍惜自己的朋友比亲人多. 好好珍惜自己的亲人. 没有他的全力的支持,与无私的爱,我们不会有今天. 有时侯我们会感觉双亲的关爱是一个很沉重的枷锁. 也许,我们有时会感得双亲很烦,很罗嗦; 但,我们忽略了;这一些罗嗦的话语,源自双亲对我们的关爱.

charity gala

文化节落幕了… 我们成功了… 成功了吗? 成功一半了… 那另一半呢? 另一半成功与否;就要看过了文化节后的一切了. 看我们可否把文化节中所建立的: 确信,热诚,勇气,坚强与异体同心的精神延续下去. 看我们可否在未来的人生的路途上,无论面对多大的困境也紧记咱们在这文化节过程中所面对与克服过的所有困境. 永远紧记文化节当天,倒了又坚持起来的四层人塔. 紧记咱们一起熬过的…困苦 紧记咱们所坚持过的…胜利 如果我们可以作到… 那才是真正的:成功… 真正的“化城即宝处”……

What if I'm Alive?

Yup, as the title goes "What If I'm Alive"... Why didn't we think of what we can contribute when i'm in this world? Sometimes we really take our lives for granted. Just because we are breathing, walking, eating and talking all the time, doesn't mean that we will continue doing those things in the next hour or minute or second. We wouldn't have the chance to know what will happen to us in the future. My point here is that why not we concentrate now, while we are alive in this world to see what we can contribute to the society.
Sometimes, I don't understand why those people have the courage to suicide rather than to have the courage to challenge their problems and hardships. I do think of what if i'm dead the next minute... What if I died of car crash... But, when it come to "What if I kill myself...", I stop thinking about it. Why did I stop thinking furthur about this matter? I found out that it is not worth to think about this matter at all. Because, I treasure my life in this world, I respect other people's life, life is so priceless... It can't be change or swap with other things.
Soka Gakkai is the greatest people's organisation!!! I just can't imagine if I'm not one of the member of SGM. I am very greatful to the WD that shakubuku my mother. If it wasn't for her... I couldn't imagine my life right now. It would be totally different from what I encouter now. If I were to be given a chance to choose the life that I wanted, I wouldn't have the urge to change a bit of it. Not even a single bit of my course of history from when I was brought in to this world. I would have wanted just the same thing as I have now.
Religion does play an important role in a society. Respecting life and also treasuring it, is one of the greatest principle one religion can have. Sometimes I wonder if everyone does respect other human being life as well as his or her own life, war wouldn't have happened. Although "E=mc2" has been invented by Einstein, I bet people wouldn't have miss used it as weapons to kill people if the understand the respectworthy of a human being's life.
Well, Soka Gakkai is doing great job in promoting peace through cultural activities and education and I reckon people are more aware of the importance of world peace. Hope that we can continue to promote peace too in our own local community.

How if I die

Last time during my secondary school. I like to say the thing like “ I wanna die” , “ how nice if I just cant wake up” , “life is meaningless, should just jump into the sea” and so on.. I like to complaint a lot about my life , my situation, my study, and also people around me. Somehow things just not seem right to me at that moment. I even wrote down the thing I want other people do for me after I died. I not sure whether I mean it or not or I just playing around. But something for sure, it was already became a habit for me to say the nonsense thing like this, and some of my friends do take it seriously and marked down and remember all the detail until now. U better believe it.. Sigh.. After so many years, I started to realize how much I love my family and friends. How if I really leave them forever? Would them be sad ? Would all my friends attend my funeral? After thinking the question like these, I started to take the matter seriously. It will be a very selfish thought to just ended my life easily and let all the people around me carry on the suffer. They are all the people I love, if I love them, I should make them happy and not to make them cry and sad.
Talking bout karma, dead is part of our journey of life, its our fix karma. What we can do is to make life fulfill with mission and passion. never stop challenging ourselves, no matter what the circumstances , live life with no regret.
I would say that I am very lucky to born in the family who took faith in Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism. I was born as a fortune baby as people told me. All my life, there are so many shoten zenjin around me helping me going through all the difficulties. My life is so great because of the Buddhism. I know I can change my karma by chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, all sorts of platform given to me to train me to be a better person , don’t you think it is just too great to be in Soka Gakkai? I bet u do !
If one day.. when that is the time for me to die.. I don’t know when and how my life going to end. But one thing , I just wanna people around me , my family, friends, and all the people who love me to know that I love u guys so much and thank you for being around me. Don’t be too sad when the day has came, u know where will I go, life is never ending. And do take care of my family. My live is great because of u all. Thank you so much for everything.
Sorry, life is unpredictable, this is what in my mind at this very moment. U just have to bear with me. “ Life is like a box of chocolate, u never know what u gonna get”..hah…
One day.. I should write something special for my mum. If not because of my mum and Daishonin’s Buddhism , I wonder how my life would be.. terrible I guess.. hmm , ONE DAY.

Sensei Guidance

# Chanting daimoku earnestly, with strong determination provides the impetus to fundamentally transform our state of life. By breaking through our own limits and obstacles with daimoku and courageous action, we gain access to a higher state of life.# Ikeda Sensei.
Dear Yan Fen,
It has been my pleasure to get to know you. In fact, if i were to be given a chance as to whether to meet you or to know you, i would have done the same step-To know you. A great caring comrade, sister and great friend. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You have such great compassion and also a caring heart. You encourages me a lot. I have always prayed for a Kosen-rufu comrade. Looks like you are the one. Thank you for being there when i was down.
I can't help noticing that you can really write very well. I like the article that you published yesterday. Thank you, you are the greatest!


He said we must challenge ourselves day by day and creating history moment by moment He said we must fulfil our life with mission and determination He said our mission is to make impossible into possible He said we must understand ourselves and share our experience with other He said we must never leave faith no matter what happen He said we either loose or win; we must be the one who win He said we must be the outstanding person to proof the law He said youth is the most valuable treasure in every organisation He said we must have the heart of lion, bravely challenge obstacles we faced. He said we will never loose, never give up, never doubt and never loosing hope He said a lot more… He is my beloved sensei.. Daisaku Ikeda


It is important to aim always for tomorrow and create a personal history where one can clearly see that “ I have grown and changed this much since yesterday”. How do I live this day meaningfully? Those who know the answers to this question will enjoy happy lives. Living earnestly in this way each day leads to glory and victory in life. There is no need to compare ourselves with what we were yesterday Do not judge people’s achievements and character by their appearances alone. Make sure you really know them before you reach a conclusion. Everyone has their own mission in life. What characterizes our value-creating movement is that we believe it is important to enable each person to take the initiative in carrying out that mission. When our determination changes, everything else begins to move in the direction you desire. The movement you resolve to be victorious , every nerve and fiber in your being immediately orient themselves toward your success. On the other hand, if you think, this is never going to work out, at that instant, every cell in your being will be defeated, giving up the fight. Everything then will move in the direction of failure. Not everything will go as smoothly in your daily life as you would wish. You are a loser if you are defeated by your adversity. No matter how tough your situation may be now, it is important to keep advancing with a clear determination. No matter what your problem may be, you will definitely overcome them and open up a way to greater happiness as long as you continue to make patient and wholehearted efforted. Those are the phase that I came across in the book I read. I marked it down in my note book, now I share with my reader.. hope you all like it .

fLoWeRs... Posted by Hello
~*fLoWeRs bLosSomInG...*~ Posted by Hello
tak habis habis photo Posted by Hello
again.. us at student house

let see