How if I die

Last time during my secondary school. I like to say the thing like “ I wanna die” , “ how nice if I just cant wake up” , “life is meaningless, should just jump into the sea” and so on.. I like to complaint a lot about my life , my situation, my study, and also people around me. Somehow things just not seem right to me at that moment. I even wrote down the thing I want other people do for me after I died. I not sure whether I mean it or not or I just playing around. But something for sure, it was already became a habit for me to say the nonsense thing like this, and some of my friends do take it seriously and marked down and remember all the detail until now. U better believe it.. Sigh.. After so many years, I started to realize how much I love my family and friends. How if I really leave them forever? Would them be sad ? Would all my friends attend my funeral? After thinking the question like these, I started to take the matter seriously. It will be a very selfish thought to just ended my life easily and let all the people around me carry on the suffer. They are all the people I love, if I love them, I should make them happy and not to make them cry and sad.
Talking bout karma, dead is part of our journey of life, its our fix karma. What we can do is to make life fulfill with mission and passion. never stop challenging ourselves, no matter what the circumstances , live life with no regret.
I would say that I am very lucky to born in the family who took faith in Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism. I was born as a fortune baby as people told me. All my life, there are so many shoten zenjin around me helping me going through all the difficulties. My life is so great because of the Buddhism. I know I can change my karma by chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, all sorts of platform given to me to train me to be a better person , don’t you think it is just too great to be in Soka Gakkai? I bet u do !
If one day.. when that is the time for me to die.. I don’t know when and how my life going to end. But one thing , I just wanna people around me , my family, friends, and all the people who love me to know that I love u guys so much and thank you for being around me. Don’t be too sad when the day has came, u know where will I go, life is never ending. And do take care of my family. My live is great because of u all. Thank you so much for everything.
Sorry, life is unpredictable, this is what in my mind at this very moment. U just have to bear with me. “ Life is like a box of chocolate, u never know what u gonna get”..hah…
One day.. I should write something special for my mum. If not because of my mum and Daishonin’s Buddhism , I wonder how my life would be.. terrible I guess.. hmm , ONE DAY.