title??

last few days i went to Kajang to visit my friends and also to attend Anna Academia's Convo, she grad with flyng colour. Bravo to her! I didn't manage to hear hers sharing as i went to another meeting . Paiseh paiseh.. but atleast i get to hear the last part of hers sharing, not bad lo. Then i went ot Arun Gandhi talk on "the Lesson i learn from my grandfather". That was the good one, if i miss it, I will regret. Just received Anna's Sms, she finished hers viva already,now she is totally free from school stuff.. Yeah!! But... u know what i mean. This journey to Kajang and Kl, quite alot of unexpected thing happen, sometimes i wonder why and how and what if and alot more when some little thing happen. Well,thing not really happen as i thought, weird but real..confused?? me either.... I dunno how to describe certain thing and certain feeling, but,it's time to review.. As my first time went to Kajang, the people there are keen in 24K, not to say Anna who mind only think of hers members, HSD,home visit, meeting and etc, she really rock man! respect and i really got lot thing to learn.. what is my point for this article? OMG,i have no point and i am out of my mind.. i am just write nonesense. hmm.. i think i off now, will continue later if i got my point.. or i found my point, or anything...

Exams....

Today is 25th March 2005. A special day for me and a day that is full of deep feelings. At last I have managed to finished my 7 papers. I was so happy that I couldn't stop myself from laughing and smilling to everyone. It is just a miracle how I managed to survive these few weeks. To me, DAIMOKU is the source of my strength and also encouragements from my fellow comrades have kept me going in my final semester, final exams. Today is my last paper of my three years in UKM. Actually my exam started at 8.30am this morning. While I was in the car having discussions last minutely and all the topics that we have ran through in the last 15 minutes actually did came out during the exam. I'm very grateful to Gohonzon for all this. This morning during that one hour daimoku and gongyo, all I think of is to bring my friends to tonight's career talk in Cheras Kaikan. I just feel that I need to really go all out for the 24K campaign. All I can think of is just to bring as many friends as possible and as many shakubuku as possible. During the prayers, I prayed that all the Youths will awaken to our mission as to why we want to achieve 24K before 3rd of May. Lastly, I prayed that I will win in my last paper and prayed deeply for my fellow comrade's health and happiness also not forgetting my three promises that I made to Gohonzon every time I chant.
I managed to ask one of my coursemate to go for tonight's meeting. In fact, I have told her last week and when we are just after the exam, she came to me asking :"What time will you come and fetch me?" I was taken aback by her sincerity and I was really happy about her initiative. Truely what my chapter's WD chief said :"Prayed for the Youths to come out from the earth and to be shakubuku-ed by all of us." Every now and then I started to prayed that I will be surrounded by people that really need to know this great Buddhism and also hope that all of them will continue to chant and receive benefit from Gohonzon. Hopefully I can get another friend of mine going to tonight's meeting.
At first I thought that my paper - Microbe's Metabolisme is 2 hours and I started writing quite swiftly thinking that I might not have enough time to finish up my paper as there were 8 esei question with each bringing from 10 - 20 marks, totaling 100 marks. Well, I sort of left with one questions that I have forgotten the facts at 10 o'clock and thought that I have another 30 minutes for it. During the last 15 minutes, an announcement was made stating that we cannot go out of the examination hall and the man didn't read out my course's code. So when I looked back at my examination slip, it states that the exam is actually 2 and a half hour. Much to my relief that I still have quite plenty of time to finish off my last question.
I wanted to go out earlier before times up, but, later made a decision to stay in the hall until 11 am. Why? The answer is just simple. I thought I would have missed the hall and the excitement of having exams in the exam hall and this will be the last time that I am going to sit for exams in this hall. The next time when I come back would be the time that I am going to walk out of this hall graduating as a Microbiologist. I just feel weird suddenly... Deep feelings just keep coming from within my heart.
Anyway, I still need to study as I am having Gosho exam this Sunday anf my thesis presentation is next Wednesday. But, I am already feeling so happy and free because I have found my mission and what I want to achieve in my later years. Evryday is like a beautiful day and I said to myself everyday is a Kosen-rufu day and this will be the path of my life from now on. From now on it will be 24K all along until we really reach beyond the target! Yeah! From now on it will be and exciting day everyday!

A Spiritual Journey

A Spiritual Journey Review by SHARIL DEWA, The Star (Malaysia), Oct 31, 2003 Wonderful Encounters: Recollections of Meetings With Unforgettable People From Around the World Author: Daisaku Ikeda Publisher: Penerbit Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia The folk he met included Datuk Seri Dr Mahathir Mohamad, Italian football star Roberto Baggio, and American jazz musician Herbie Hancock. Despite coming from very different social and political backgrounds, all 30 individuals featured in the book have one theme in common: each one strives to grow towards becoming a better citizen of the world. In his dialogue with Ikeda, who is the third president of Soka Gakkai, an international Buddhist movement that promotes education, world-wide cultural exchange and the establishment of world peace, the Malaysian premier stated that leaders are always confronted with tough problems and difficult solutions, which should be tackled head on, as by running away from the tasks at hand would equal defeat in one’s personal growth. “There is no ocean without waves,” said Dr Mahathir. “Only by overcoming hardship can leaders shine with even greater brilliance.” He said all great leaders should actively seek out and take on challenges. At the time of Ikeda’s first meeting with the premier in February 1988, Dr Mahathir was in the midst of political unrest, with United Malays National Organisation (Umno) being deemed unlawful by the local courts. Though he looked tired and worn out, Dr Mahathir possessed a steely determination to see the crisis out before admitting victory or defeat, noted Ikeda. “Without getting to the root of the problem, without giving a situation a chance, we cannot say that we have tried if we haven’t looked at the cause of the breakdown,” Ikeda wrote. With his first meeting with Dr Mahathir, 15 years before the Prime Minister’s retirement, Ikeda witnessed firsthand one man’s determination to change his country for the better, and in the process allowing himself the chance to grow. Likewise, American jazz musician Herbie Hancock, who met Ikeda while on tour in Tokyo in 1999, told the Buddhist leader that at the age of 59, “I am still growing, I am in the process of development.” Ikeda’s account of Hancock’s personal development lies in the fact that the musician is not afraid to travel on the path less traveled. Hancock, who has been a follower of Soka Gakkai Buddhism since 1972, said to Ikeda that “music is an expression of what it is to live. If we don’t enquire into how we should live, how can we create good music?” As music is an expression of one’s life, the struggles and the victories over difficulties in Hancock’s personal life found their way into his music, causing him to create sounds that he had never produced before. Instead of repeating his past success, Hancock decided to move forward, fusing different styles of music, all the while understanding that his new musical direction may alienate his fan base. However, his desire to create a new sound that “would touch the public” garnered him an Oscar for his musical score in the film Round Midnight in 1987. “I used to think that music brought people happiness, that it had the power to change people’s hearts. But now I know that personal growth is the source for creating better and deeper music. “I will continue doing my best to contribute to the development of music while polishing the spirit to earnestly seek what it is to be truly human,” he declared. Ikeda, who first met Italian footballer Roberto Baggio in Tokyo in 1993, a year before the World Cup, remembers the sportsman as a man who was very focused on what he had to do, and he did not allow fame or popularity to sway him in any way. “No matter how I am criticised, I am what I am. People call me a superstar, but I’m just a human being. Whether I am praised or blamed, I play the game the way I play it,” he said. Despite having three major knee surgeries at the start of his professional career, Baggio, who was asked to consider giving up football for good, was adamant this was his chosen profession and that he was sticking to it no matter what. “Buddhism teaches us that we are responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness, and I was determined to make myself happy in the only way I know how: by playing to the best of my ability,” Baggio said. Though he led his team to victories over Nigeria, Spain and Bulgaria in the 1994 World Cup, Baggio’s leg injuries might have kept the Italians from defeating the Brazilians. Instead of harbouring ill feelings, Baggio noted the team that is the most determined to win will do so. “Everyone is created equal and everyone has the same desire to succeed. Once you decide to win, you must do so, you must give your best; any less than your best are mere excuses. “A pro must win, be it personally or professionally. It is his mission to keep winning and inspiring courage in others. “The idea behind these (football) matches is that everyone is doing their best to win, and in that sense all the teams are winners. The losers are the ones who never tried,” said Baggio. Written from Ikeda’s point of view and in short chapters, with each section focusing on the author’s encounter with an individual, Wonderful Encounters describes how each subject managed to overcome the obstacles in his or her life, which proves that such people face the same personal and professional struggles that haunt everyone else, famous or not. Although some of the individuals featured in the book are followers of Soka Gakkai Buddhism, Ikeda looks through their triumphs from a humanitarian point of view. In short, Wonderful Encounters is one man’s experience with the people of the world who are, in their own ways, trying to find out what it means to be human.

And What If We're Betrayed?

I would like to share a personal experience that was published in Spanish World Tribune. This is the English version. And What If We're Betrayed? By Alina Marrero English Translation by Andy Sanchez The Lotus Sutra teaches that everyone possesses the supreme, lofty state of Buddhahood, source of infinite hope and courage. In other words, courage and hope do not exist someplace far away, beyond our reach, neither do we obtain them from without. Anyone who sets his/her life in rhythm with the universe, no matter where they live and go about, can tap into a fearless life state, vast as the universe, and then cause this life state to shine with great radiance. Daisaku Ikeda, (Guidance offered at the 22nd Headquarter Leaders Meeting held in Tokyo General Headquarters) No doubt about it. She wanted me to get angry. "A friend whom you trusted betrayed you and me," the person told me. For her own personal reasons, the woman speaking to me was full of anger, and wanted my solidarity. "She's a hypocrite!", she said. In less than a second, I recalled recently read articles by President Ikeda, such as The Cure for War. I also remembered advice received from friends in faith throughout 20 years of practice, as well as my first encounter with Josei Toda. From the onset, Mr. Toda became my model for forgiveness, courage, personal security, unshakeable faith, and solidarity with humanity. It's a model I've constructed with the building blocks of President Ikeda's guidance, where Mr. Toda is continually mentioned. Yet, it is not only Josei Toda that our mentor (from whom I've learned to learn) mentions in his writings. Charles Chaplin and Victor Hugo, among others, are two human beings that President Ikeda also talks about, and from whom I've also learned to learn. From Victor Hugo, specifically his novel Les Miserables, I learned that a determining factor for human rehabilitation is to never lose trust in the innate goodness of others, no matter what they do. All these things and more, such as the guidance about the three types of friendship, as well as the Law of Cause and Effect -that expounds that everything that occurs to us is information about our karma - intermingled in my mind. Yet, something stood out with unmistakable prominence. It was the feeling that I had suddenly acquired an essential skill, a specific wisdom that is not consciously achieved, but arises naturally. I reflected upon this: prayers are answered, of course. But if we pray to learn forgiveness, the occasion to forgive must arise so that we may learn. If we wish to learn bravery, we must understand that, before taking action, we will not learn what bravery is. When our goals are big and profound, equally big, profound, and difficult! will be the obstacles we confront. Being betrayed by a friend is a hurt more painful than being betrayed in love. There I was talking to someone, simultaneously realizing I also harbored the same immense pain in my lifet. Yet, in a flash, all my years of faith, practice, and study arrived to the rescue. This is what actually occurred: I was struck most by the suffering resulting from the terror felt by the person before me, as she considered possible consequences from the event she narrated. Her immense fear and anguish moved her to seek solidarity against her betrayer, from someone (me) who had also been betrayed. Thus united, we would win the battle. We would trust the betrayer no more, not ever. In fact, we would warn everyone against her. We'd save humanity from her. But, dialogue with her about this issue? Never!! Waste of time. She wasn't going to change. And since she wasn't going to change, she had to be gotten rid of. This type of reaction, prevalent in so many people, is to be expected. But in the en, it proves to absolutely ineffective. Throughout the ages, great men and women have united with a single voice: hate is not answered with hate. Bertolt Brecht, in his poem, To Our Successors says: "Hate, even against degradation, twists our facial features. Anger, even against injustice, grates the voice." Treason can prove to be an excellent excuse for hating, and hate, one of the best excuses for disunity. On the other hand, justice is unifying. When justice triumphs, it triumphs for all, even for those who've erred. But, in this case, who erred? I decided to talk to the person before me about no other treason except that committed by me, and to simply deal with her as the human being she was. She was afraid of confronting her betrayer, supposedly to prevent creating a chain reaction. "If I tell this woman how I feel," she said, "she's going to create trouble. She'll tell everyone her own version of the story, and they're going to believe her. Then so and so are going to get on my case, scolding and screaming at me. I'm sick of it!" "Who are you talking about?" was all I could think of saying, "and why do you allow them to treat you like that? President Ikeda encourages us to say what must be said," I reminded her, "and to dare to take steps toward being who we really are, no matter our being misunderstood, and let me tell you, nowhere in his guidance have I seen your name mentioned as an exception. In none of the Goshos written by Nichiren have I read that Buddhism works for everyone, except you, or that wars everywhere will end if you allow people to treat you like that." Right then and there, I reminded her of several of President Ikeda's acts of courage, as well as how he trusted us, considering neither our imperfect nature, nor that we actually make mistakes. End of conversation. I knew I had to take action. I sat in front of my Gohonzon, and determined not to lose faith in the innate goodness in everyone. I called the person whom I felt had betrayed me, finally dialogued about my feelings, and went back to chanting. Several days later the person I felt betrayed me and I talked again. She had chanted ten hours reflecting on herself. "My worse disloyalty is against myself," she revealed, "and when you spoke to me a few days ago, I felt ashamed. I determined to be loyal to myself, and to win. I spoke with the person who talked to you about what I did, and she told me what she thought of me. I, in turn, told her my opinion of her and, in the end, we finished our conversation without ending up as enemies, talking about President Ikeda's guidance, and how we saw each other in the movement for kosen-rufu." While she talked, I felt moved. Something wonderful had occurred with the three of us. She had done something very brave, and so had the other person. And so had I. Impossible not to share victory between the three. I profoundly reflected on my own disloyalty towards myself, towards others, as well as on my fears, since these two women, functioning as mirrors, helped me see that. The next day, the three of us received work related benefit, and arrived at the same conclusion: What could have become a gossipy muddle, a cause for disunity, we turned it into a vehicle for growth. What an honor to be working with these two wonderful women for Kosen-rufu in this lifetime! It occurred that, precisely when I had to make a crucial decision, I reacted responding to a burning desire to make a difference, and the environment, inseparable from us as it is, responded. We can all make a difference in these times of war. President Ikeda has said that one human revolution in a single person can change the destiny of a nation, indeed, the history of humanity. This occurs when, in our daily lives we set Buddhism in action, with absolute confidence in this great truth. This is something me Carryn need to learn about.....

Inspiration, Wisdom, and Anecdotes

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present "Seven Wonders of the World." Though there was some disagreements, the following received the most votes: 1. Egypt's Great Pyramids 2. Taj Mahal 3. Grand Canyon 4. Panama Canal 5. Empire State Building 6. Stonehenge 7. China's Great Wall While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there are so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the ‘Seven Wonders of the World' are: 1. to See 2. to Hear 3. to Touch 4. to Taste 5. to Feel 6. to Laugh 7. and to Love The room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous!

Fortune from Gohonzon

I had two great gifts from Gohonzon yesterday. I chanted from 2.30 to 3.30pm. Upon finished chanting, I thought of going online for a while until 4pm and I did. Just when I connect the phone line back to my house phone, a call came in and the conversation is as below:
Mrs. Lim: Hello, can I speak to Anna?
Me: I am, who's speaking pls?
Mrs. Lim: I'm Mrs. Lim from Tadika Seri Soka.
(I was puzzled at that time. I don't know what to say or think. I was BLANK!)
Me : Oh, Is there anything I can do for you?
Mrs. Lim: Well, yes. Are you interested in coming to teach in TSS?
Me : Em... yes. In fact I am planing to go for interview after my exam and Thesis presentation.
Mrs. Lim : Is that so? We need a teacher that can teach music. The previos Malay teacher who taught music resigned. When can you come for an interview with TSS principle?
At this point, I was elated, confused and blank. Gohonzon really geng lah... Really!!! The second present from Gohonzon came just after the first. Two in a row! I received a call from my senior Chun Hoe.
Chun Hoe: Hello, Anna? I'm Chun Hoe, free to talk a while?
Me : Oh, hi! Yup, I'm free now.
Chun Hoe: Congratulations! You have passed Akademeia Training!
Me : Oh, results out already?
Chun Hoe:Yup. We will be having Akademeia Convo meet on the 26th this month. However,
I'd like you to do a favour for me.
Me : Oh, what's that?
Chun Hoe: Can you share your experience during the meet? About how you do your Akademeia,
most importantly share about shakubuku.
Me : Oh, but, I only shakubuku a few people only worh...
Chun Hoe:Few people also people mah... Can ah?
Me :O.k!
It was a double bonus for me yesterday. I was so down the night before and luckily Shu Ting was there to encourage me. If not, I already given up studying for Molecular Biology exam today. Couldn't help myself from really thank Gohonzon from the bottom of my heart. I prayed that I will get to teach in TSS successfully ASAP. Actually I was quite worried as what I want to do during the holidays. I wanted to continue going all out for kosen-rufu here in Kajang and with that I will need to find a job to support myself. I chanted to Gohonzon, actually I promised Gohonzon 3 things:
1. I'll go all out (my life and whole energy) in Kosen-rufu battles
2. I'll go all out (my life and whole energy) in my studies
3. I'll go all out (my life and whole energy) in cultural practices
I made the above 3 promise to Gohonzon during when I was in my second year second semester. That time I chanted for a Industrial Training place near my house in Kajang. I promised to Gohonzon that I'll go for home visitations everynight if I am given a place near Kajang. And I did.
Today, another present from Gohonzon. I received a mail from my friend Nicholas Chua from India. A big parcel was posted to my house in P.D. I just can't wait to go back and look at it. For your info, Nicholas has been my pen friend since form 4. He's from Port Klang. heheh.. Cute guy, tapi younger than me and sudah berpunya. Heheheh... Well, it is full of surprises from Gohonzon everyday!
These few weeks I've been chanting 3-4 hours perday to keep my spirits high during the Finals. Now, it's down to 2 papers from the initial 7 papers and my Thesis presentation is on the 30th March, 2.55-3.10pm. Got to go now! See you guys!
Posted by Hello

Aloha and Sayonara

Finally, I finished my last paper on computer knowledge. Yeah. But, after visited my own blog, I realize that soon enough need to change the info bout myself from Acad S/02 to graduate/ 05, feeling weird, my life as a student will officially finish after Wednesday, now I have to start worry about my future, my future career, my future planning and etc. i am very blur here. Anna atleast know what she want, Zephyr don't need to worry as he still have one more year in USM.What should I do to my life? What do I want? Without any reason, I rejected a job that offered to me two week ago, why? I also don't know, I just not yet ready as I don't know what I want. My life will getting more and more blur if I don't start to chant for wisdom and chant for fortune. Today, me and my housemates went to USM to take photo, I will leave USM soon enough, three year in USM, I never like USM, I never feel I am one of the 30,000 students. I don't know why, I just don't like it although its one of the best University in Malaysia. So I should say, I not really enjoys my Uni life. I miss the chance and now I have to leave. For all SD who will soon enter University, do appreciate every single moment in University and take time looking around, find a good friend there and live life with no regret. Today, I dint get myself any guidance or study anything, so, I have nothing to share. But u guys are always welcome to link the site at the sokalink, u will get yourself many useful material and guidance, do share with other. I will leave Penang on 26 March, maybe will take off from blogging. For the time being, Anna is here to rescure the blog. Do continue to support us. See ya.

President Ikeda's Daily Determination

THE ABUNDANCE OF LIFE Today, I rededicate myself to Kosen-rufu: To be strong so that nothing can upset my peace of mind To talk of health, happiness and hope to every person I meet To make friends feel that there is something good and beautiful in them To look at the sunny side of everything and to be optimistic about life To think only the best, work towards goind and expecting only the best. To be just as happy about the successes of others as I am about my own. To forget any mistakes of the past and to press forward to greater achievement in the future. To give so much time to improving myself, that I have no time to criticise others. To be too strong for fear, too kind for anger and too happy for worry. Tolift my heart in faith each day, so that the Gohonzon may show forth in my life.

---- DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT ----

A person who is always trying to be the most earnest, who is always trying to take more action than anyone else, will certainly create a golden history. He or she will, for sure, open up a great path towards a truly glorious life! To be concerned only with your own happiness is egoism.To aim for the happiness of yourself together with others is the spirit of humanism. Let's confidently share the supreme philosophy of Buddhism with others.Throughout the world people await! * "'Joy' means that oneself and others together experience joy. ... then both oneself and others together will take joy in their possession of wisdom and compassion." (Ongi kuden, Gosho Zenshu, page 761, The Record of the Orally Transmitted Teachings, page 146) The key point is that joy is something we share with others. To be concerned on you with one's own happiness is egoism. To claim you care only about the happiness of others is hypocrisy. Genuine happiness is becoming happy together with others. (The Wisdom of the Lotus Sutra, Volume 5, page 37) "When the spring of victory comes after a winter of harsh trials, everything is transformed into happiness and joy. Without having cried, you cannot genuinely laugh; without having suffered, you cannot savour real joy. I’m sure there are times when, in the midst of some difficulty, you think ‘Why me?’ But that in fact is your chance to fulfil the mission you have chosen. The deeper your suffering, the greater your mission." SGI Newsletter No. 6381, The New Human Revolution—Vol. 17: Chap. 1, Main Bastion 46 --- DAILY GOSHO --- "And yet, though one might point at the earth and miss it, though one might bind up the sky, though the tides might cease to ebb and flow and the sun rise in the west, it could never come about the prayers of the practitioner of the Lotus Sutra would go unanswered."

guidance to share

"...the obstacles to kosen-rufu are not external, but internal. We limit ourselves through our cowardice and weakness, which give rise to a defeatist attitude and make us think that we will never succeed. Arrogance, meanwhile, leads to negligence and indolence, which will bring about our downfall. "It is therefore crucial to overcome such negative tendencies and shatter our delusions. Doing so requires tremendous determination. We need to be firmly resolved to achieve our goals and chant to the Gohonzon with a strong pledge to realize kosen-rufu. Furthermore, we need to take courageous action. Taking action creates momentum and power." SGI Newsletter No. 6381, The New Human Revolution—Vol. 17: Chap. 1, Main Baion 45, translated March 14th, 2005 --- "If you are passive, you can’t demonstrate real ability. If you only take action when people tell you to, you will not savour the true vitality of life. The important thing is to decide that you are personally responsible for kosen-rufu in your community and take the initiative. Stand up as the protagonist of your local organization. That’s the way of life of a Bodhisattva of the Earth. If you do that, you will experience joy and strength welling up from your being." SGI Newsletter No. 6378, The New Human Revolution—Vol. 17: Chap. 1, Main Bastion 43, translated March 11th, 2005

Sharing

Dear all, This is a journal entry by a young lady, Mei Kei. She is only 19 yrs old and taking her STPM this year. A full scholar from TAR College and many many responsibilities. When I was reading her journal entry. I couldn't help but deeply moved by her undaunting spirit to challenge. Read on and stand up to succumb the challenges you face. This should be the spirit of youth and a disciple of Ikeda Sensei. If she can do it, you can do it too! Happy reading!! --- I came across a lot of Ikeda Sensei's guidances on youth, that youth who are able to go through suffering are truly lucky. Although I did not disagree with this phrase, I never really felt it..till lately. This year will be an extremely busy year ahead. STPM, being so new in music,a senior in Taekwondo, and just as I was pushing myself further in kosenrufu and Soka Gakkai activities...It was a suffering time indeed, especially when I thought of joining in KK, I knew it will turn my whole schedule upside down and leave me with no time to rest. I have to rush to places, from college to Taekwondo, from KK practice to another Taekwondo, to meetings at night and homevisitations whenever I can afford it...Everyday struggle begins as early as 4.30am or on Sundays (except 2nd week), 5.45am...and all these ends as late as 12am or 1am everyday. And not to forget I have to travel to college every Mon-Sat for 1 1/2 hour or 2 hours everyday. Now, due to the lack of sleep, my travelling time becomes my daily sleeping time. Sometimes I just felt so exhausted that I just wanted to forget everything and let myelf sleep. Or I could just turn my handphone alarm to sound at 5.15am instead of the unusually early 4.30am, because I wake up so early to chant anyway. I was worried if I could not handle it after all...or did not score a result good enough to ensure me place in Local U, or was put into a local U too far for me to fulfill my mission in my own district (or lets just say I don't like to leave home). I was struggling with myself,catching up with studies, projects, attend and prepare meetings (and must prepare them well too, for the main purpose is to make sure every member had something to bring back and felt encouraged),with classmates so competitive that I never fail to feel so stupid in class. And surprisingly, as I joined in Culture Group, all of a sudden all other groups like Junior Division and Student Division, seems to have something to do with me as well..not to forget YWD and High School Division which I am already a person-in-charge. Thinking of all the meetings I have to attend sends a shiver down my spine.. However, lately I was able to tell myself, "I was beginning to enjoy the process of struggling and suffering. I began to truly felt that youth who are able to suffer is truly lucky.In fact I was rather hoping I could be like other people or my seniors...suffer even more.But still, they had their mission and I had mine.If all of us were to have the same mission, I have no reason to live.I enjoy the suffering now, I enjoy seeing the transformation in me,I enjoy struggling and winning over myself.I just enjoy it...to be able to suffer is just..great!" I remember telling one of my members briefly how my schedule will be like this month. I do agree with her she say that my busy life now is indeed fulfilling..in a sense. I told her that I believe the reason I have to go through all these is to be able to encourage a single person...to be able to show actual proof, how I go through the year admist facing an important exam and pacing up in kosenrufu as welI.I still have got a lot to learn. It was just on last Tuesday where I had to attend a YWD Prep meet for out divisional discussion meet in March. After facing two stressful tests and going off to All Leaders' Meet in IPA the night before, I reached home late and tired out.As I haven't got the time to go through my material for the meeting due to the tests, I read it up that night and slept late, waking up 4.30am as usual on Tuesday.Getting a badly scored (and failed)Maths results that day is already not good, and I grew tired and very exhausted..perhaps because of the lack of sleep for the past whole week worrying about things.It was the worst exhaustion;mentally and physically;that I gone through this year.I can't even remember when is the last time I felt so worn out.That time, I just wanted to go home and sleep..but I can't as there's a meeting I cannot afford to skip. I had to took all possible time at breaks to sleep in the canteen and in the bus on my way back.And after reaching home and finishing up a few matters, I am only left with 20minutes to take a nap (with my clock placed right in front of my face so that I won't overslept).Then I forced myself out of bed to do my prayers and pick a member up.Surprisingly,at the meeting, I was no longer tired, and ideas just flow out that we are able to roughly sketch out how we are going to bring out out topic on "What is Freedom?" in an interesting way.Later was able to briefly shared this bitter yet another great day with my senior-in-faith, who was going through almost the same thing that day (hey! If you are reading this,please remember to put on alarm when you want to sleep.Surely you don't want me to come banging on your bedroom door everytime a meeting starts!) This month is going to be a busy one...looking at my organiser filled up with so many pen inks scares me sometimes...but hahaha, I like to see it that way. 2nd Sunday was supposingly a "holiday" to me off KK practice,but plans change as I was put in charge of a book sharing session in Soka Family Day...and I just bump into a Soka Fren today while walking back who told me,"Come find me when you are free!!" Looks like I am destined to be busy this month :D Of course, I don't deny times when I will be down, but I learn to accept that I am just human with emotions. I am grateful of the support I felt from my friends and senior-in-faith, as well as other comrades.The important thing is not to be defeated by all these "blues" and continue to press onwards. Suffer what there is to suffer, enjoy what there is to enjoy... "That when your head fills, With problems and worries, And when on sleepless nights, Anxious feelings assail you, The only possible answer is 'Onward!' "

AGAIN!!

Again, someone has awaken me Again, I felt shame on myself Again, I saw something great Again, I felt proud of you However, I won't compare with other However, I will follow my own speed However, I will learn in my own way However, I know I wont forget my identity Yet, there are so much thing to do Yet, I am too slow to stand up Yet, I have done not good enough Yet, I have too much thing to learn from Sometimes , I wonder who am I Sometimes, wonder what can I do Sometimes, I so hate of myself Sometimes, I just don't know what to do Maybe, I never like myself Maybe, I never put effort Maybe, I never chant powerful doimuku Maybe, I am just nobody Perhap, now is time to start Perhap, now is time to share Perhap, now is time to let go Perhap, now is time to fight so, I hope I will proud of myself So, I hope for a better me So, I hope I can tell u something great So, I hope I remember my own determination well, I guess I am somebody Well, I guess I can do something great Well, I guess I just need some confident Well, I guess I have to chant lot more doimoku

Broga

I went to Broga yesterday evening at about 5PM. Great haul from the visitation. I'm glad I did went to Broga as I have many times thought of going, but, somehow something happened and I couldn't make the trip. Yesterday, I went there alone and much has happened to the YWDs there. I felt a little regretful as I didn't follow up on them for a period of time. Nevertheless, they seem happy to see me coming to visit them. I visited 2 YWD and a local aunty. Talked to them quite lengthy as to really catch up stuffs while I was not around with them. Fairly happy that they are still cheerful despite of the problems they faced. I departed from Broga at about 7.40pm. It was quite late as the day was turning darker. I was quite worried while on my way out from Broga. Chanted that I will make it out to Kajang safely and I am grateful for the protection from Gohonzon. Perhaps next time if you guys come to Kajang, I'll bring you guys to Broga, a peaceful small town. Then you guys will understand why I chanted all the way out from Broga (8 miles). I'll be having Kimia Fizik paper today at 3.30pm. Well, wish me luck!

Feelings

Mixed feelings is what my heart feeling now. I don't know what to think or do right now. It's just weird, very weird. A part of me will tell myself : "Wei! Don't think so much, study first!", another part of me will say : "Rest a while, there is still time before the exam...". Whenever I chant to Gohonzon, I'm always thinking of 24K also Kosen-rufu and GCO also my dreams. My eldest sister just sent me an e-mail with links to a site which offers scholarship to study abroad. She said at the end of her e-mail :"Grab the opportunity to study abroad." I don't know what to say. My heart wants to study here in Malaysia and also abroad. I just have to be sure of my mission. Perhaps I'll awaken to my mission after I graduate, with sincere daimoku and also seeking guidance from senior in faith, as what my senior suggested me to do.
I hated viva so much that at some point I just don't want to do anything about it. Let the lecturers say whatever they want and I'll get on with my life. I know very well that I'm running away from it and I just need to keep up my daimoku to tell myself I cannot do that. Why am I taking so many papers in my last semester? Seven papers plus thesis, all together 19 units. My friends hardly have more than 4 papers to go for this semester. Well, part of it was that I still need to fulfill my 100 units to graduate and I took more than 100 units (around 104 or 105 units). I try to learn new things with a heart to learn it not for the sake of passing exams.
Yup, that's my intention of taking other subject from other fields. I attempt on Health Physics, Educational Administration (I did a report on The Philosophy of Tsunesaburo Makiguchi in Soka Education), Basic Chemistry Physics and Radiation Biology, and the rest are my core subjects. To be frank, I actually enjoy learning all the new things and I'm happy about it. There are many quizes and assignments all along, but, I managed to pass all of it o.k if not with flying colours. Whenever I got back my quizes marks, I always remind myself of the purpose of taking those new subjects. I tell myself : "What the heck, just enjoy learning new things lah!". Well, this thought worked miraculously. The quizes marks didn't made any effect on me except I constantly remind myself of really to understand the meaning behind every sentence that I'm learning and to enjoy myself with it.
Now, it's time to talk to my future. What do I want to do? I talked to Mum on Sunday about my planing to study Masters in English. She gave the green light with addition :"You do whatever you want to do and what you love most". I was elated to hear about this from her. Before this, I just didn't have the courage to tell my mum and dad about my decisions, but to the things that my mum have said, I'm very happy that my Mum agree with my dreams. I haven't got the chance to talk to Dad, he's working in Lumut for the time being.
I always pray for my Mum and Dad's health and work. I prayed that Shoten Zenjin will always surround my Mum and Dad in their jobs everyday and during when they are travelling to and fro from home to work place also not forgetting their health too. To both my sisters, I always pray for them the same too. I am very thankful to Gohonzon for protecting my family and friends and I pray that Gohonzon will continue to do so forever. Whenever I chanted to Gohonzon, I feel peace in serenity in me and I'm enjoying chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo. The joy just kept pumping out from my heart within and I enjoy it very much. It is just so great that I got to know about this religion and I just have to share it with other people too.
Thank you all for your time and please do come to our blog frequently. To Carryn and Zephyr, you guys are the greatest! Thanks for being there. I pray for your happiness, health and growth in faith. I just couldn't help to think what would I do without you guys!
#Daily Guidance 14th March:
A person who cannot compliment others is lonely and has a narrow heart. On the other hand, when people praise one another, beautiful exchange becomes possible.
#Daily Guidance 12th March:
Faith isn't for anyone but yourself - its all for you. Working to spread the Daishonin's teachings, devoting yourself to chanting daimoku, and studying doctrine while you are young are all tasks that transform your life into a garden of blessings and merits.
Have a great week ahead!

Too happy

I just can't control my laugh, I am very very happy now, this morning, while I eating "tim sum" with my housemate at around 8.30am, my lecturer suddenly phone me, she wanted me to see her as soon as possible, I thought this time terrible d, as my theses need to change again, she wanted me to get her all the references I used in my thesis, and I rushed back home to online to search for atleast something to show her, but nothing much I can do as she want to see me so urgent. But, I do get her something, a little something to show her. In the room : lecturer: " regarding to your thesis, surprisingly your thesis is exactly what I want, I want to know who help you in it" me : " oh, eh..... Well, this i actually I took from internet and there is a template and I.... bla bla bla lecturer : " I want all your references u put in your theses" me : " actually I have no copy for my references as I just copy on the spot and its abit too much to fotostat all of them and also most of it I got from internet, I can show you some info I save from the internet" seeing my info lecturer: " oh, that is very good, its exactly want I want.. bla bla bla conclusion, my theses format is exactly what she want to present to CIDB ( Construction Industry Development Board), my theses will be a guideline for her. Which I don't understand is, my first and second draft, she complain so much till I cried back at home and run back to alor star so frequently, but now she want it so much as I actually only took the behind part of my previous theses to show her as my final draft. Then she told me she haven't even read my first draft.. Sigh.. It's sure save lot of my time if she just read it for the first time as tried so hard to tell her that my theses is exactly what should put if follow my thesis objective but she just refused to listen and made me gaduh with Anna, I wonder why she wanted so much to torture me for so long, maybe this is what we called " lecturer+ supervisor". now my nightmare is over, I can truly enjoy my computer game and back to my normal musical life. I take this opportunity to thank my friends who helped me during the process, especially Anna and Zephyr, help me to translate and find information for me, most of all, thank for keep encouraging me and never give up me. I sometime really behtahan with myself . For my housemate, nana, thank for playing game beside me to motivate me to finish up my thesis,to Uncle Vic, thank for concern and keep asking bout my progress,to Poh geok, thank for teasing me all the time for my laziness, to Jess, thank for doing your theses in such a slow progress as I atleast not the only one who dint pass up my thesis, to mama, thank for borrowing your theses and helping me in all the computer stuff. To wee hau and wen long, thank for not disturb me and a lot more..Not to forget, thank to Gohonzon for help me through all this.

A little update

Recently has been VERY busy finished up my thesis and finding references for my supervisor hardly sleep, maybe due to stress, maybe I am sick, or maybe I am just too busy, but for sure, my eyes now look like panda and I can't think properly. Its quite dangerous for me to cross the road as most of the time I am dreaming and thinking something else,so I choose to stay in student house instead of going out site to eat, to school, to library and etc. So, don't be surprise if suddenly u guys find me become abit skinny, abit older, abit "blackgreen". What a good way to diet, don't need to waste any money and get the result. Well, now I am listening to light and easy, the old pple station as Anna and zephyr said, but I just like it, harmony and I feel calm. Everything will be over after Thursday, whatever the thing happen, I wont forget what Anna told me, to chant. But the weird thing is, everytime I chant, I hardly pray for my thesis, my school stuff and my future, there is a dream I keep continue to pray and to fight for, even after so many year. I am still refuse to let go. I keep remind myself to pray for my thesis, but it will later turned out to be the same prayer. Now, after writing this article, I realized that, the four major prayer indicated my major concern which trouble me and always make me confused with my life. 1- prayer for my family. After my father past away, no one actually know that I actually have a promise with my father before that, I keep it for so long as I so scare I cant makit. And for my mother, you have talked to me too much about your dream, your desire, your expectation, your prayer, and I seem to be the only one who actually listening to you. 2- prayer for special someone to get absolute happiness and pray for the total let go and me live life to the fullest. 3- for my stupid dream, so far away from me, but, I always hope one day the day will come 4- for my own human revolution, then I remember Anna,zephyr, I pray for our friendship forever and I needed to change some of my bad attitude in order to makit turn into the reality as I cant manage to let the second case happen in my life anymore. Maybe after tonite, my prayer should add another one - to not think much. But I always has so much thing to think of, people who know me should know that. I am not actually that happy as shown on my face,but, when I talk a lot, mean, I am happy, when I keep silent, then you should know I am thinking too much already I now really know why Zephyr,Anna and my friends keep adding "don't think too much" behind the SMS. I just received reply from Anna, she said me popo mama, hah, nothing, I just think of her then sent her SMS to know how is she, she has so much paper to study for, really have to study hard for that, well, I needed to learn solve thing alone and really become a comrades for a friend. Anna asked me to go sleep early. Well, I have a long way to go.. Wish everyone dream become reality and everyone happy from now on.

Exam...

It's 2.32 am now. I know I SHOULD be studying right now, but I've decided to online for a while. To take sometime off studying Health Physics (Fizik Kesihatan). Well, before you all try to say something (especially yfen and bh), I've done my revision 2 times at least over this subject, then only I online. I still know that I need to study. These few days have been quite weird for me. I just don't know why. Perhaps, devils are begining to chance when I'm trying to do something correct. Usually like that one lor, when one begins to really stand up for something that is correct, devils will come and kacau. Hehehe... I reackon that is what is happening to me right now. Last Saturday my YWD honbu called me, my YWD chapter vice chief and another girl from Balakong to a lunch at Mines. At first I thought maybe she wants to just have a normal gathering lor. Well, later we found out that we are going to heed our new mission as YWD vice chapter chief. I was a little shocked and happy; but, later did calm myself down. Past few weeks I have been chanting to Gohonzon that I'll strive for Kosen-rufu after my exam and viva (during the long holidays) to find my future. Before this (when I was in second year), I did chant to be promoted as vice chapter chief, it didn't turn out to be so. Perhaps at that particular time I am not ready yet. In fact, when I was in second year did I manage to do my job as a District leader (after so many years... I was promoted to Han when I was just in Form 3... then a District from Form 5). Back then, I didn't really carry out my role as a District leader, not until when I was in my second year in UKM. I believe these are all Gohonzon's best path for me. I still believe that now and forever... Hehehe...
So, what has this got to do with my weird feelings these few days? It coincides with the concert that Galaxy Chamber Orchestra that will be held on the 23rd of April. I was one of the committee members for the concert. Somehow, the first meeting turn out to be a discussion over our feelings about GCO and about the concert. To be frank, when I first heard of the concert, immediately the word 24K flash through my mind. But, to the other committee members, they did have other views regarding this concert. For them, the think of it as just a music appreciation and a concert dedicated to the parents as a form of saying thanks to their patience and time in sending their children to GCO pratices. Yes, I do agree on this, but, can't we do more than just thank them? Can't we make this concert a present to the parents, family, friends and also to Ikeda Sensei?
I was quite upset about this concert. I wanted so much to give the biggest present to Ikeda Sensei. I wanted to perform in front of him. How? I found out that, through 24K I can give my biggest present to Sensei although I couldn't perform in front of him. Yesterday was the second meeting, I didn't say a word throughout the whole meeting and was constantly falling asleep during the meeting. I slept around 3am and woke up at 7.30am to fetch local HSD to Kaikan for cultural activities. This is the lamest reason that had come out from my mouth! I didn't want to look like that... But, devils really is taking opportunity on me now. Deep down in my heart I felt sorry that I've behave like a kid during the meeting. Just now, when I chanted to Gohonzon, I just made a promise to Gohonzon that no matter what, I will feel the happiness each time I go for practices at kaikan - I mean in every practice. Last Saturday's pratice was like hell to me. That is the first time after going for practices for 8 months constantly to feel like throwing my RM800 violin on the floor... Breaking it into bits and pieces and never to touch violin for the rest of my life! Hah... Scary huh... I was shocked too, at myself having those silly thoughts.
Well, I constantly remind myself of this praticular exerpts of Gosho: "To accept is easy; to continue is difficult. But Buddhahood lies in continuing faith." Really, it is easy to aceept, but can one guarantee that he or she will continue faith after 10, 20, 30 or even 50 years? It's hard to say all this, let alone one really realize their mission for the rest of their lives in this world. So, what can we do about it? For me, I would say carrying out the practice of Study, Faith and Action. Continue to strive in the pathway of Kosen-rufu no matter what until the end of my last breath in this world.
It's 3am now, I guess I would stop here for the time being. After my exam on Tuesday, I shall continue here in this lovely Blog. For Yfen and BH, thanks for being there when I'm sad and happy. Thanks very much. You guys are the greatest! The best present from Gohonzon is to have you guys as my life comrades! Cia You!!! Yeah! All the best in your finals! Ganbarimashoo!

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