Mixed feelings is what my heart feeling now. I don't know what to think or do right now. It's just weird, very weird. A part of me will tell myself : "Wei! Don't think so much, study first!", another part of me will say : "Rest a while, there is still time before the exam...". Whenever I chant to Gohonzon, I'm always thinking of 24K also Kosen-rufu and GCO also my dreams. My eldest sister just sent me an e-mail with links to a site which offers scholarship to study abroad. She said at the end of her e-mail :"Grab the opportunity to study abroad." I don't know what to say. My heart wants to study here in Malaysia and also abroad. I just have to be sure of my mission. Perhaps I'll awaken to my mission after I graduate, with sincere daimoku and also seeking guidance from senior in faith, as what my senior suggested me to do.
I hated viva so much that at some point I just don't want to do anything about it. Let the lecturers say whatever they want and I'll get on with my life. I know very well that I'm running away from it and I just need to keep up my daimoku to tell myself I cannot do that. Why am I taking so many papers in my last semester? Seven papers plus thesis, all together 19 units. My friends hardly have more than 4 papers to go for this semester. Well, part of it was that I still need to fulfill my 100 units to graduate and I took more than 100 units (around 104 or 105 units). I try to learn new things with a heart to learn it not for the sake of passing exams.
Yup, that's my intention of taking other subject from other fields. I attempt on Health Physics, Educational Administration (I did a report on The Philosophy of Tsunesaburo Makiguchi in Soka Education), Basic Chemistry Physics and Radiation Biology, and the rest are my core subjects. To be frank, I actually enjoy learning all the new things and I'm happy about it. There are many quizes and assignments all along, but, I managed to pass all of it o.k if not with flying colours. Whenever I got back my quizes marks, I always remind myself of the purpose of taking those new subjects. I tell myself : "What the heck, just enjoy learning new things lah!". Well, this thought worked miraculously. The quizes marks didn't made any effect on me except I constantly remind myself of really to understand the meaning behind every sentence that I'm learning and to enjoy myself with it.
Now, it's time to talk to my future. What do I want to do? I talked to Mum on Sunday about my planing to study Masters in English. She gave the green light with addition :"You do whatever you want to do and what you love most". I was elated to hear about this from her. Before this, I just didn't have the courage to tell my mum and dad about my decisions, but to the things that my mum have said, I'm very happy that my Mum agree with my dreams. I haven't got the chance to talk to Dad, he's working in Lumut for the time being.
I always pray for my Mum and Dad's health and work. I prayed that Shoten Zenjin will always surround my Mum and Dad in their jobs everyday and during when they are travelling to and fro from home to work place also not forgetting their health too. To both my sisters, I always pray for them the same too. I am very thankful to Gohonzon for protecting my family and friends and I pray that Gohonzon will continue to do so forever. Whenever I chanted to Gohonzon, I feel peace in serenity in me and I'm enjoying chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo. The joy just kept pumping out from my heart within and I enjoy it very much. It is just so great that I got to know about this religion and I just have to share it with other people too.
Thank you all for your time and please do come to our blog frequently. To Carryn and Zephyr, you guys are the greatest! Thanks for being there. I pray for your happiness, health and growth in faith. I just couldn't help to think what would I do without you guys!
#Daily Guidance 14th March:
A person who cannot compliment others is lonely and has a narrow heart. On the other hand, when people praise one another, beautiful exchange becomes possible.
#Daily Guidance 12th March:
Faith isn't for anyone but yourself - its all for you. Working to spread the Daishonin's teachings, devoting yourself to chanting daimoku, and studying doctrine while you are young are all tasks that transform your life into a garden of blessings and merits.
Have a great week ahead!