Dear all, This is a journal entry by a young lady, Mei Kei. She is only 19 yrs old and taking her STPM this year. A full scholar from TAR College and many many responsibilities. When I was reading her journal entry. I couldn't help but deeply moved by her undaunting spirit to challenge. Read on and stand up to succumb the challenges you face. This should be the spirit of youth and a disciple of Ikeda Sensei. If she can do it, you can do it too! Happy reading!! --- I came across a lot of Ikeda Sensei's guidances on youth, that youth who are able to go through suffering are truly lucky. Although I did not disagree with this phrase, I never really felt it..till lately. This year will be an extremely busy year ahead. STPM, being so new in music,a senior in Taekwondo, and just as I was pushing myself further in kosenrufu and Soka Gakkai activities...It was a suffering time indeed, especially when I thought of joining in KK, I knew it will turn my whole schedule upside down and leave me with no time to rest. I have to rush to places, from college to Taekwondo, from KK practice to another Taekwondo, to meetings at night and homevisitations whenever I can afford it...Everyday struggle begins as early as 4.30am or on Sundays (except 2nd week), 5.45am...and all these ends as late as 12am or 1am everyday. And not to forget I have to travel to college every Mon-Sat for 1 1/2 hour or 2 hours everyday. Now, due to the lack of sleep, my travelling time becomes my daily sleeping time. Sometimes I just felt so exhausted that I just wanted to forget everything and let myelf sleep. Or I could just turn my handphone alarm to sound at 5.15am instead of the unusually early 4.30am, because I wake up so early to chant anyway. I was worried if I could not handle it after all...or did not score a result good enough to ensure me place in Local U, or was put into a local U too far for me to fulfill my mission in my own district (or lets just say I don't like to leave home). I was struggling with myself,catching up with studies, projects, attend and prepare meetings (and must prepare them well too, for the main purpose is to make sure every member had something to bring back and felt encouraged),with classmates so competitive that I never fail to feel so stupid in class. And surprisingly, as I joined in Culture Group, all of a sudden all other groups like Junior Division and Student Division, seems to have something to do with me as well..not to forget YWD and High School Division which I am already a person-in-charge. Thinking of all the meetings I have to attend sends a shiver down my spine.. However, lately I was able to tell myself, "I was beginning to enjoy the process of struggling and suffering. I began to truly felt that youth who are able to suffer is truly lucky.In fact I was rather hoping I could be like other people or my seniors...suffer even more.But still, they had their mission and I had mine.If all of us were to have the same mission, I have no reason to live.I enjoy the suffering now, I enjoy seeing the transformation in me,I enjoy struggling and winning over myself.I just enjoy be able to suffer is just..great!" I remember telling one of my members briefly how my schedule will be like this month. I do agree with her she say that my busy life now is indeed a sense. I told her that I believe the reason I have to go through all these is to be able to encourage a single be able to show actual proof, how I go through the year admist facing an important exam and pacing up in kosenrufu as welI.I still have got a lot to learn. It was just on last Tuesday where I had to attend a YWD Prep meet for out divisional discussion meet in March. After facing two stressful tests and going off to All Leaders' Meet in IPA the night before, I reached home late and tired out.As I haven't got the time to go through my material for the meeting due to the tests, I read it up that night and slept late, waking up 4.30am as usual on Tuesday.Getting a badly scored (and failed)Maths results that day is already not good, and I grew tired and very exhausted..perhaps because of the lack of sleep for the past whole week worrying about things.It was the worst exhaustion;mentally and physically;that I gone through this year.I can't even remember when is the last time I felt so worn out.That time, I just wanted to go home and sleep..but I can't as there's a meeting I cannot afford to skip. I had to took all possible time at breaks to sleep in the canteen and in the bus on my way back.And after reaching home and finishing up a few matters, I am only left with 20minutes to take a nap (with my clock placed right in front of my face so that I won't overslept).Then I forced myself out of bed to do my prayers and pick a member up.Surprisingly,at the meeting, I was no longer tired, and ideas just flow out that we are able to roughly sketch out how we are going to bring out out topic on "What is Freedom?" in an interesting way.Later was able to briefly shared this bitter yet another great day with my senior-in-faith, who was going through almost the same thing that day (hey! If you are reading this,please remember to put on alarm when you want to sleep.Surely you don't want me to come banging on your bedroom door everytime a meeting starts!) This month is going to be a busy one...looking at my organiser filled up with so many pen inks scares me sometimes...but hahaha, I like to see it that way. 2nd Sunday was supposingly a "holiday" to me off KK practice,but plans change as I was put in charge of a book sharing session in Soka Family Day...and I just bump into a Soka Fren today while walking back who told me,"Come find me when you are free!!" Looks like I am destined to be busy this month :D Of course, I don't deny times when I will be down, but I learn to accept that I am just human with emotions. I am grateful of the support I felt from my friends and senior-in-faith, as well as other comrades.The important thing is not to be defeated by all these "blues" and continue to press onwards. Suffer what there is to suffer, enjoy what there is to enjoy... "That when your head fills, With problems and worries, And when on sleepless nights, Anxious feelings assail you, The only possible answer is 'Onward!' "